The Best Parenting Advice from a Non-Parent
The Best Parenting Advice from a Non-Parent
Wisdom that I follow to this day.
Grumbling gray clouds were exiting the eastern sky as I pushed Mia in her stroller on the wet pea gravel path at the Japanese garden. Anna was ahead, hopping from stepping stone to stepping stone, encouraged by the splashes of water squishing past her sandals. Mia began to squirm, arching her back and hollering against the restraint. At one year old, she was her sister’s shadow.
I wasn’t in the mood for giving in. I’d already gone round one with a persistent Anna earlier that day. I had dressed both girls in matching green overall shorts for their first photo session as siblings. Anna decided to accessorize with a fluorescent green plastic headband she’d “acquired” from a friend at daycare. The garish headband not only clashed with the green overalls, but Anna’s wish was to wear it like a sweatband across her forehead. I managed to cajole her into placing it properly on her head, and hidden by her thick chestnut hair, in exchange for one photo with it her way.
On closer reflection, I bartered this one small thing because I wanted the photo shoot to go my way. I wanted a repeat of last year’s photo session where our photographer friend, Rich, chased a joyful Anna through the Como Conservatory. My photo of choice was toddler Anna leaning on a mahogany bench. A mass of red poinsettias framing her navy blue velvet dress, white tights, and black patent leather Mary Janes. Her Mona Lisa smile caught my breath every time I passed that image hanging on the wall.
My breath was now racing as Mia’s eyes puffed with tears of protest and the garden filled with throngs of people after the storm. I was beginning to despair over lost photo opportunities when Rich emerged from the crowd.
I unbuckled Mia to let her toddle beside the stroller. I had mapped the gardens the week before and we were near photo stop one. Plop! Splash! Mia had tried to stomp like Anna, but her toddler legs were not able to oblige. Instead, she sat in the puddle in her clean green overalls and began to scoop handfuls of pea gravel in glee. Rich stooped with camera to his eye and began to click the shutter. As I tried to pry stones from Mia’s clenched hands, mud-stained tears began to stream down her face. I scowled.
Anna, 20 yards down the path, let out a howl. She had snagged her sandal on a stone and fallen. I arrived to help just as she began wiping blood from her knee with the sleeve of her lilac t-shirt. The green headband had slid forward from the top of her head and was resting across her forehead like a sweat band. Anna’s face lit with a smile. “Click” went Rich’s camera.
It seemed the more I tried for perfection, the more the kids fought against my goal. Rich sensed my frustration and pulled me aside.
“Cindy, what do you want to remember more - what they looked like when you dressed them or who they were at that time?”
They were wise words from a man with no kids. I stopped fighting cleanliness and properness. I let go of the photo I was trying to capture for my mother, the one where the kids would look like the Kennedy’s by the seashore in their crisp summer attire. I let the kids climb over rocks, skip down the path, sit in the crook of a tree branch, and fill their pockets with pine cones and pea gravel.
All these years later, the photo that sits by my computer is a fading image of Anna hugging Mia on top of a smooth gray boulder. Across Mia’s face is a Mona Lisa smile. Anna wears no smile but her eyes reflect contentment. Both kids have streaks of mud across their cheeks. Anna has blood on her sleeves and scrapes on her knees. The green headband sits securely across her forehead like a sweatband.
On closer reflection, letting the day unfold as it did resulted in a cherished photo that captured a memory of our adventure together. Thank you, Rich, for your wisdom!
I love to read and research. Why not share what’s compelling with you?! (I am NOT paid to mention any of these resources. There are no affiliate links.)
1. A Valentine’s Treat for a Teen. Moms of Tween & Teen Daughters posted a delightful image of handmade paper hearts taped to a bedroom door. The caption told how one heart would be added each day until February 14. Each heart would be inscribed with words on why the kid behind the door is loved. That kid may roll their eyes, but I bet their heart melts.
2. Help for Your Pet in an Emergency. While emergency veterinary clinics are becoming more prevalent, the services may not be helpful to your pet if the distance to travel is too great. But you can be helpful. Pet Emergency Education can train you in pet CPR and emergency first aid. Both may be critical to managing a life-threatening emergency or stabilizing your pet for transport to a veterinary facility.
3. Pets of Famous Artists. I was introduced to Bailey Richardson’s Substack newsletter, Art Dogs, by a photographer friend who knew I’d like the curated animal images and stories. I particularly enjoyed a recent post featuring the black and white work of the MacArthur “Genius Grant” recipient, Lee Friedlander. The shadow pictures didn’t disappoint.
4. Dinner dilemma? I stumbled upon What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking website, and now I’m stuck. Caroline Chambers categorized all her past recipes into an easy-to-use recipe index with the usual categories such as protein and meal type but also the unusual by season and mood! I’ll get back to you after I find a few things for dinner!
5. Chasing Nature. A red squirrel peaking over a snowbank lured me into Bryan Pfeiffer’s website of nature essays, and I haven’t left. Crisp images of birds, insects, and plants accompany words that teach and inspire. This site is my new meditation.
Before you go, here are a few more stories readers have enjoyed.