You Named Your Baby What?!
Creativity rules when labeling babies and pets.
Have you ever coughed into your sleeve to disguise your laughter when you were told of a baby’s name? Or produced a fake yawn to hide your jaw as it hit the floor in shock? Perhaps you merely remarked, “Isn’t that nice,” like the Saturday Night Live Church Lady.
Bestowing a name on an infant is a tough job. Not Dirty Jobs tough, but gut wrenching tough. Women spend 40 weeks incubating and growing and imagining and planning without laying eyes on the being to whom they’ve committed a lifetime. Then BAM! The child emerges, and the world looks expectantly to the new mother and asks, “What is her name?”
But what is right for a boy - Becket, Bodhi or Butch? Is that girl more of a Raelynn, Radha, or Ria?
The month before our oldest was born, Joe and I walked the dog with a baby-naming book in hand. When we’d land on a something we liked, we’d put it through the “initials” wringer. We’d ponder such possibilities as a daughter with an “A” first name paired with an “S” middle name to yield A.S.O. No big deal, right? What if our A.S.O. daughter married an “S” man, would our kid become an A.S.S.?
Was it weird that we worried? Oh yah! We’d witnessed kids without filters bullying their way around the playground. My grade school friend, Candy, was an under-the-radar elementary schooler until Walter Barr joined our grade. It didn’t take long for someone at recess to yell with a syrupy, sing-song from the top of the swings, “Candy married Wally, now she’s Candy Barr!”
Too many choices and too many problems left Joe and I paralyzed, unable to agree on what we’d call our soon-to-be. We finally settled on two boy names and two girl names as we drove to the hospital, in the midst of an ice storm, while I was in labor! (We were from a different generation where learning the sex of the baby was reveled at birth, not in a cupcake.) Our only stipulation – no family names. We didn’t want the drama of, “Why did you honor so-and-so and not so-and-so?”
The seven-pound beauty with a head of jet-black hair, we named Anna. It was a simple palindrome to pair with our complicated last name. Or so we thought. Time after time we’d hear, “Is that pronounced “ann-uh,” “on-uh,” or “on-yuh?” “Is it spelled with one N or two?” So much for trying!
During a recent volunteer shift at The Bond Between pet food shelf, I asked visitors how they chose their children’s names. Creativity ruled.
One parent named their first daughter after a beautiful actress. The second and third sisters’ names were alliterations of the first.
Another parent named their three children by creating different combinations of his name and his wife’s name.
A third parent named their son after a fierce mobster, hoping to create an air of intimidation that would prevent bullying by others.
Most people I asked said the process was stressful, peers could be ruthless, and futures unfold so surprisingly that it was hard to bestow a name to last a lifetime.
When I switched the subject to naming pets, faces lit up. Cell phones flew out of pockets and purses. I was regaled with photos and stories, including those of,
· Onxy - a black kitten with shimmering fur and emerald eyes.
· Luna - a white dog with soft gray spots like the moon.
· Harmony - a tri-color guinea pig who would sing and chirp.
· Squeak – a playful rat.
· Roscoe Jenkins - a hound dog of caramel color named after a movie star.
· Gucci - a light fawn pit bull terrier with a sleek, shiny coat.
Last week’s conversation with pet food shelf visitors was prompted by a recent discussion thread on Substack.
@suesenger, who writes Puppy Love 411, started it all by asking other writers for naming ideas as she waited the arrival of her new pup, now named Hiro.
@KelseyAbbott responded by sharing the origins of her rescue dog, Tashi’s, name in Find Your Awesome with Kelsey Abbott.
Kelsey’s post prompted @tracymansolillo to share her story of her family pet, Remy, in The Power of Change newsletter.
The crème de la crème of naming, however, goes to @CansaFis. At the end of his Minnesota, story you’ll meet his buddy, MinneSota Pops McFatsaroni Penguin Gravy RaceCar SoySauce ZigZag Marshmallow Sticks. I kid you not!
Which made me ponder, are names a reflection of the individuals onto which they are bestowed or windows into the souls of the creators?
Words have meaning and names have power. – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
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Love this! Especially the comparison of people's responses to naming their kids vs their pets. A great read.
Interesting question! So much thought goes into a name, I love hearing backstories on how a name was selected. My dogs name is Monty which we came to by talking about manchego cheese - we didn’t like manny so we took some liberty with our inspiration!