The No-Plan Parenting Hack
The best-laid plans may not be the best.
Paper lanterns were glowing in the hands of my family as we gathered at the edge of a marsh stilled by a heavy blanket of snow. I could hear a few knees knocking and teeth chattering and impatience fighting their resolve to give me their gift of time. As I spoke my words of gratitude at the close of a tumultuous year, a little snicker rose from my husband. Joe was not much for poetry and filled vulnerable spaces with jest. The slight rise in the corner of his mouth jumped to Anna who had dared to look in his direction. Her wide eyes darted to Mia, perhaps to avoid Joe’s, perhaps to seek an accomplice. With little more than a few facial expressions between them, giggles erupted into belly laughs and someone cried, “Stop, I’m going to pee my pants!”
As if that was the cue I had planned, we raised our arms to the dark. The heat from the tiny candles filled the paper balloons. We watched in silent awe as the amber orbs rose, caught a breeze above the trees, then floated until they blended with the stars.
The silence was broken by a deep woof from Big Margo who began loping around the small circle of her favorite humans. Rascal, in his red fleece suit, nipped at Margo’s heels. Anna ran into the marsh, jumping over clumps of fallen grasses, two dogs on her trail. Mia ran opposite Anna, forcing big and little dog to decide which girl to follow. Raucous barking bounced off a knoll of cottonwood trees until Joe yelled, “Stop!”
The marsh became still like a game of freeze tag. But only for a moment. Rascal yipped at Margo. Margo woofed at Mia. Mia ran at Anna, sacking her like a lineman. As I stepped towards the pile of teens and dogs, THWAP! A snowball from Joe pelted my sleeve.
“Fight,” I yelled, quickly forming my own winter weapon I lobbed at Joe. Like a football replay, the mound of kids and dogs untangled, then re-tangled as a melee of kids and dogs tackled me and Joe under twinkling stars.
My word for the new year? Pivot. I’d taken my family to the marsh that evening with a vision that didn’t unfold. Instead, something better came along.
Raising kids and caring for pets is like that. The best laid plans may not be the best. Sometimes, following their lead and ditching your plan can lead to roads worth traveling.
1. I swear Dr. Aliza Pressman had been in the marsh with me and my family based on what she wrote in her post Is Your Ego Getting in the Way of Connection with Your Children? In the essay, Dr. Pressman writes of an interview she had with Dr. Shefali Tsabary on two barriers to creating connection – our egos and the stories we continue to believe on what type of parent we’re supposed to be. My kids are grown, but the lessons will help our relationship continue to evolve.
2. Last week at the pet food shelf, a new visitor shared her story. She had never been a pet person until she acquired her grandfather’s cat. The grandfather had died. The cat had nowhere to go. The very next day, I found this wonderful non-profit organization, my grandfather’s cat, (I kid you not!) that helps seniors and terminally ill people arrange homes for their pets.
3. Who Rescued Who? It’s not a joke but rather a delightful rom-com book by Victoria Schade. A Silicon Valley superstar unjustly loses her job, flies across the ocean to meet family she never knew existed, finds an abandoned puppy, locks eyes with the handsome local brew master, and learns to live and love again. Classic romance but oh so enjoyable.
4. Smart goals versus SMART goals? Kerri Patt, time management and wellness coach and podcaster at Mom Wife Career Life, uses lessons from the business world to help parents set achievable personal and family goals. One key is to group goals under categories that stay constant from year to year. Now that’s smart!
5. I prepared a lot of different foods during my career as a food stylist, but I never made my own tea blends. This post by Kosmic Cooking Club has inspired me to try something new! I especially like how the author provides interesting facts on what each herb contributes to the blend.
6. I was recently acquainted with a masterful writer who muses about books and nature while weaving in lessons in mindfulness and aging. All in short essays that can be devoured in less than 5 minutes. I haven’t read through everything in Shy Guy Meets the Buddha by Don Boivin, but Trees for Thought: 12 Authors Who Love Trees More Than Your Average Tree Lover is a post that caught my eye.
Where do all the Shelter Dogs Come From? Good question! Ten years ago, euthanasia rates in shelters had been on a steady decline. Covid came along and BOOM! Shelters and animal impounds are now bursting at the seams. Animals are being killed at alarming rates. But just as circumstances and humans create problems, along come people who help solve them. Erin Scott of Believe in Dog Podcast interviewed Cara Sue Achterberg of the non-profit Who Will Let the Dogs Out to illuminate how people can make a difference in the lives of animals, communities, and bottom lines. It is the single most important interview to help lift shelters, rescues, and communities out of this dark phase in animal welfare. Erin asks probing questions with genuine curiosity. I can’t wait to listen to What Pet Parents Should Know About Trauma and PTSD in Dogs. I expect it will be very helpful for all the people who foster rescued dogs and those who adopt them!
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Your writing evokes such strong imagery I'm drawn into your story, seeing it as if I'm there with you, and pulled again into my own stories with new light and new emotions.
Such a great article! Loved the description of the snowy lantern event, and your message about letting go and going with the flow when it takes us in a different direction.