Why Kids and Cats Need Safe Spaces

“Mom, why does Anna have seven kittens in her dorm bathroom?” Mia casually asked while passing through the kitchen, eyes glued to the glowing screen cupped in her hand.

“What!” I stammered, quickly grabbing Mia’s phone to confirm that she was truly looking at a video of her sister.

With voice rising from unchecked adrenalin, I shouted into the now dialed phone, “Anna, you asked to rescue two kittens. Why are there seven?”

“Mom, we went back to rescue the two, but five more showed up. We couldn’t leave them in the cold with no food or shelter. What do I do now?” she wailed. “I can’t have seven kittens in my bathroom!”

I had no argument for that truth, so we got to work sharing our kitten conundrum. Anna and Mia turned to social media. I picked up the phone. By day’s end, the youngsters had found placement for four kittens. I struck out. The three remaining kittens came home to live temporarily (I hoped) with us.

Because kittens are like toddlers given a box of permanent markers, a whole lot of chaos can unfold if their busyness is not contained. Mia and I converted Anna’s empty bedroom into a “safe” space. Containing the kittens meant we could easily monitor their eating, drinking and litter box activities while assessing their mental and physical health. It was no surprise that these underweight kittens born to feral mothers had snotty noses, crusty eyes, and worms.

The safe room was also a sanctuary where they could decompress. They’d experienced a dramatic shift in their world. The secure bedroom meant the three fluff balls could get used to their new situation without worry of predators (our resident cats and foster dogs). They could watch me and Mia move about the room from their hiding place under the chair. I could shut the door and let them sleep.

The safe room became an equally important tool when I fostered adult cats. When they aren’t given a secure space to decompress and a slow introduction to new people and resident pets, older felines are liable to take matters into their own hands (or paws, since they’re cats!). Escape is tactic number one.

Chili climbed the wood studs in an unfinished room in our basement, crawled through a small opening in the ceiling to the finished adjacent room, then got stuck in a stud bay of the bathroom.

Loki climbed onto the open rafters that extend over our family room. When our resident dog caught scent of new cat and began poking her nose on the rafter, Loki panicked and fell. (He was unscathed. My heart was not!)

Pregnant Ivy got her bulging mid-section caught in the space between a dresser and the wall.

If you plan on bringing a cat or kitten into your home, even if you don’t have other pets, I recommend starting your new pet in a safe room. I provide more details in 3 Steps to Welcome and Adopted Cat to Your Home.  

Safe rooms aren’t just for cats. Kids need safe space, too. In Emily Oster’s essay, “How to Parent Adolescents,” she describes four tools parents need to guide kids through the teen years. The first three include being as prepared as possible for the unexpected and pivoting when not prepared, making sure kids know they matter, and being close by when they’re ready to talk.

The fourth tool is related to home as a safe space. Oster cites research that demonstrates how emotionally consistent support from a parent, sibling or friend may be the key ingredient to help one’s child become resistance to bullying. While a parent may not be able to prevent a child from interacting with bullies or experiencing disappointment, parental comfort and support can help a kid better process the tough stuff.

We often look to bedrooms as safe spaces for kids. Dr. Becky Kennedy, in her book Good Inside, cautions that bedrooms and timeout chairs be used wisely. Sending a child or teen to their room in isolation as a form of discipline may be more harmful than helpful. Kids often need more support when they are at their worst. Decompression from big emotions is better done in the quiet presence of a supportive adult rather than by oneself.

Dr. Kennedy’s advice is contrary to the way most of us were parented, but the philosophy is sound. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and remember how lonely and unseen you felt in a similar situation when you were younger. The presence of a calm adult might have helped you get to calm faster. Their presence might have served as a reminder that while the behavior was not desirable, you were worthy of love and support.

It takes time and commitment to create an emotionally and physically safe space for kids and cats. When done wisely, your relationship can grow stronger and both can thrive.

Readers with kids and pets enjoyed these posts.

3 Reasons Why Families with Teens Should Foster

4 Things to Consider Before Getting a Pet

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